things?notes i guess

some dissociation feels: my thoughts are far away and I can barely hear them feelings and reactions are all fake emptiness personality??? there’s another person in my body there’s someone trapped in the mirror I can’t die because I’m not real why is the world so blurry and bright? time goes fast but everything else goes slow always performing in front of an invisible audience nothing makes sense so what is rational/irrational??

I feel like a plastic bottle that's had its contents poured down the drain I feel like I'm experiencing déjà vu for something that's never happened I feel like the walls are propped up around me like a movie set I feel like my reflection changes every time I look in the mirror I feel like there's a basin of toxic sewage in my skull that sloshes from side to side I feel like white noise I feel like every sentence belongs in a nonsense poem I feel like my thoughts are encrypted I feel like a machine I feel like my fingers keep changing in length I feel like the entire world is off by 1 cm My joints feel like they've been worked out to exhaustion I feel absent when attending I feel like the world is glitching I feel like every straight line I've ever seen is now a curve I feel like I want to go home, while sat in my house I feel like I'm on the worst ketamine trip ever I feel like the 'me' inside me has gone for a walk and won't be back for a while I feel a step behind myself I feel like my feet are floating mere inches above the ground

i dont even know whats wrong with me and i just feel disconnected??? it feels like im in a glass bottle and everything is muffled up and i cant find myself anymore?? theyr not there?? i need to go somewhere but i dont know whats wrong?? why do i wanna leave??? whats wrong with this place i promise it wont hurt ypu youre just imaginging it. stop stop!! everything is okay i rpomsie, i promise!